These Phrases from A Father Which Helped Me during my time as a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was merely in survival mode for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of being a father.

Yet the truth soon proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her chief support in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he burnt out. It was a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he required support.

The simple phrases "You're not in a good place. You require assistance. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a broader inability to talk between men, who still internalise harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a show of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to take a respite - going on a short trip away, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will help his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his parenting choices.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "bad actions" when younger to change how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, confide in a family member, your partner or a counsellor how you're feeling. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, resting, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of you is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead give the security and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they faced their issues, altered how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."